Ep. 1: The American Dream is a Nightmare
Who are Tenisha & Tashaunda?
The first episode of the Black Girl Fly Podcast. My name is Tenisha Nicole, and I'm here with Tashaunda Dixon and we will be your co-hosts for this journey. So since this is the first episode we wanted to kind of give you guys a little bit of a breakdown as to who we are, what the podcast is about and what you can expect to hear from us. So, so just to give you guys a little bit of background on who we are, we're actually sisters and we were born and raised in Minneapolis, Minnesota. There are black people in Minnesota, lots of black people as y'all will see now in the news, there are people in Minneapolis. And so, yeah, so we were born there, raised there, our parents, well, we have two different dads, same mom, different dads, different dads. My dad's from Gary Indiana. Our mom is from Chicago and my dad's from Chicago as well.
So we're Midwesterners through and through, but we really haven't lived there since we left for college. So I went to the South, I went to school in Louisiana and I went to DC. Now we live in Charlotte. Yes. But if you pay attention, that will describe the difference between Tanisha and I. Yeah. She's definitely East coast and I'm all about the South and I'm like big city and she's kind of like suburban. It's an interesting dichotomy. Now we got, yes, but many of our values are the same because we grew up in the same household raised by a strong black woman. She was a single mother and you know, our dads were in and out throughout that period, definitely in and out. Definitely mostly out, definitely mostly out. But you know, they still play, you know, we don't know who they are and who we are. And we have learned from them over the years.
Educational Background
And so that's a little bit about kind of how we grew up when we went to college, we both went to college to different places as we mentioned, but I would say we both kind of went on this path of like go to college, get a job. What we were taught. We thought college was going to save us. Well, I would say for me it did, I think college did save me if we didn't go to college. I don't think it did. I think that, what would it tell you? I think we were different in high school. Okay. Well, that's a whole different story. Um, we're going to get into that. So we had the opportunity to go to a private school. We're going to talk about that in a full episode later on down the line.
And that really did change a lot of our perspective on life. But I would say for me, I wouldn't know what the heck, I don't know what I would've done. If I didn't go to college. Like I probably would've went to community college. I was gonna say you would have figured out something though. I don't think that college was the segway to making you who you are and not even a big proponent of college, but for my story, education saved me out of the situation that I was in. And I don't want to give too much away, but we're five years apart. And we grew up in a little different house of households, even though it was the same person. Right. But definitely different time periods and our mother's life. Yeah. So, so from my situation, that was kind of really the only Avenue to escape. I would say it's a full independence. Otherwise I would have not figured that part out. So for me, I would think it was a bit different. I grew up in a time where I didn't think that I had a lot of options. So I guess I thought education would give me the additional options. But also I grew up thinking I had to save her family. Yeah. And so I had to make a way, so I think it's obvious. Who's older. Definitely obvious. That was not on my mind that I'm like, I'm going to eat, but yes, I can definitely see that. I definitely could see that. Yeah.
Our Pursuit of the ‘American Dream’
So we did the college thing and then, you know, we both went off in our separate ways. I would say that I was the practical, you know, American dream. I wanted to have a good job, get married, buy a house, have two kids and a dog, even though I can't stand dogs like dogs, I'm not a dog person. I'm really not a pet person. If you ain't paying rent, you can't live here. That's my motto. I mean, I feel like I also went on this journey, but like I never really, I don't know. I kind of stumbled upon stumbled my way through that part of the journey, because my nature is not that I'm so anti anything that everybody else is doing.
Definitely. And you always been that way. I've always been that way. But like, I was really trying to force myself to do that. So that was kinda my struggle throughout the whole, I would say I did it tried, it didn't work. She was going that route and she stopped herself. Yeah, we will get that. But so yeah, we, we, you know, we became professionals. We, you know, we did the professional where he's still, this is kind of where we are right now. So we got professional jobs. We, you know, pursue higher education further than college. And, and my sister, she went on and got married, had kids and all that stuff and, you know, um, thing. Well, I also went on to get divorced. So the order of that is very it's I get to that, but yeah, so we've had some interesting journeys, but I think all in all, we were in pursuit of what we thought was the American dream.
And we came to the rude awakening that that was not our dream.
Live the Real Dream
And that ultimately the dream is to find your own passions, to find your own passion and more than anything, to leave a legacy. Yeah, definitely. And for me, that became very important when our mom passed away, she passed away in 2017 and I became obsessed with this idea of legacy. Yeah. And, you know, I became very reflective on all of the things that she had left behind as her legacy. And they weren't, the things that I thought legacy would be, you know, I thought legacy was like leaving a bunch of money. You know what I mean? Like she left so many things beyond that. I would say our philosophies, her relationship with people, the love that she showed everyone in her own way. Yeah. I got that honest.
But I went another route. When you were thinking about legacy, I was so scared about risk. I would tell you that my mom died wanting to create a safety net for us. And from that I took, I had to create a stable future for our family. Yeah, girl.
But I also had some Interesting characters around the same time I went to go see my financial advisor and it was a few months after mom had passed. And he, I had never imagined, I would hear this from a financial advisor, but he was like, you should quit your job and go travel the world. Like you're in your late twenties. You've done well for yourself. Like you got the rest of your life to work. Like, why the heck do you want to do this? And I was just like, that's dumb advice. Why would a financial advisor tell me to do that?
And I was in a different space. So I had just had my daughter, my daughter was two. She had just made two right before my mom passed. And I was looking at her going, wow, I got to do something. Oh yeah. I mean, and that, that just is a totally different perspective too. Like I had just become freshly single and like, you know, I didn't have any kids, so yeah. We had different circumstances at that point and we definitely did different things too. Yeah. But I think the cool thing about it though, is in our journey. So my mom passed in 2017, but from then to here, we've kind of grown together. We have started this dialogue about our past our future and I think we've really come to more of a even philosophy. Yeah. I would definitely agree with that. And I mean, I think we're a lot closer than we were before. For me. I'm like cling on so tight, her tight is very loose.
It's tight for me. It's very tight.
Growth Mindset
But I'm like, I value our relationship so much. And I appreciate so much how we've both been to grow together over these last, like two and a half years. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like I've gotten to know you a lot better than I ever had. Definitely me too. We didn't mention, so we're five years apart and we left when we went to college. So when I left for college, Tenisha was like 12 or 13. Yeah. So this was actually, I think the first time not think this was the first time that we've really come back together. And 2019 is the first year we've lived in the same city since 2003. So it's just been, it's been crazy to like, you know, someone who knows you so well, but to get to know that person again, it's kind of crazy. And what is that like 15 years later?
Yeah. So, so much life has happened in between. No, but yeah, so we've done a lot. That's a lot, that's a lot, and there's so much more to tell, right? Like on the surface of our story and we're excited to get to, you know, talk way more in depth about it in future episodes, but we just want to kind of want it to ground the conversation in a, in who we are. So you can get an understanding of where we're coming from.
Our Wealth and Life Philosophy
And so one of the other like big pieces of this podcast is like why we wanted to start the podcast. And I think it's, it's a perfect segue from what we're just talking about. It's like us getting to know each other. Like we've been able to have so many growth minded conversations and you know, we kind of thought it was selfish to keep those to ourselves that, and I think you've encountered so many people, so many great people who have the right intentions, who desire the right things, who just didn't have anyone to talk to about it.
And so that's why we're here with you. I would tell you that our philosophy is really STEM on the other things we just spoke about. It's having a fulfillment in your life and doing the things that you desire, doing the things that bring you joy, but also mitigating that risk man of making sure that you can live and that you can make those decisions from a place of purpose and not from a place of need. Yeah. Like that would be the biggest difference. I would say from our, how we were before versus how we've grown now. It's like there used to be that trade off that we talked about, but you really need both pieces in place to have. I mean, to really, I think live out your purpose, you have a legacy to leave a legacy, right? Like you have to be doing what you love and what you're like designed to do, but you also have to be in a place financially where you can do it and do it well and do it at scale and do it with a peace of mind to do it unrestricted and free to really go hard.
Exactly. So that those are the two components of our philosophy and it's kind of a ying and yang relationship between those two. And again, we'll dive in further about our specific money philosophies, but that is what we believe a wealth mindset is, is of. Yeah. And that's why we want you here. We want you here. So just like us, you can have the conversation that you can really dig deep and make sure you're doing things to be fulfilled and to diversify your risk and to make the decisions that you should make to leave your legacy. Exactly. And we'll get into that, but that's so pivotal in my life and in the position of the American dream and kind of what I went through to get here. Yeah. Yeah. And at the end, at this point, we're questioning everything. Yes, you should.
Question Everything!
That's what we've gotten to. And so you should, yeah. Yeah. Like everything, I feel like that we were taught about the American dream that we were, I don't even say we were taught growing up. It was just more like, I think it's societal get like these things that were impressed upon us. Like we got a question and challenge all of that and it's not to say that those people were wrong, but, but also it is to say that you need to understand the reason behind some of the thought processes that got you there. I once heard a tale that said it was a story about a mom. So a young lady, whenever she made a certain dish, she would cut off the end. She put it in the oven, she cut off the end and you, this
Chicken, she cut off the end. She cut off the head, come on, girl, tell a story. Right. [inaudible] but it was a good story. It is a good story.
I forget where I heard it. But so there was this mom, she used to make this chicken recipe. Like it was the, this daughter's favorite recipe. So whenever she would come home, she would make this chicken. And when she would prepare the chicken, she would cut off the head of the chicken and put it in the oven. So the little girl grew up and she would make this same dish for her household. So every time she would make the chicken, she would cut the chicken, the head off. And then finally one day she called her mom and like, Hey mom, like, I, I can't cut off the head or whatever, but like, why do we do that anyways? And the mom was like, I don't know. I gotta call my mom. So she called her mom and her mom, which was the girl's grandmother was like, “Girl, you still do that. We only did that because the pot was too small.“
So, no, I actually, I don't know if I ever told you this, but I have a story like that with mom. So when we're growing up, we would always buy, we had to buy Cottonelle tissue. And so I was bounty bounty, paper towels. So growing up, we'd always do that. So when I went off to college, I always bought Cottonelle. When I got married, I always bought Cottonelle. And I like yelled at my ex for not buying Cottonelle. And so long story short, we moved into an apartment, my mom and I actually moved back together. And so she's going to the storage. He came home with this offering towards his, you know, it's like, what are you doing? You know, you have to buy Cottonelle. And she was like, baby, what are you talking about? I said, we always bought Cottonelle. And she goes, we did that because we own the toilets, but we live in an apartment. And so we don't need to buy Cottonelle because we're not concerned about the plumbing.
And I was like, wow. Yeah. So yeah, that's, this is why you have to question everything because it's not, everything serves the same purpose. You're not in the same mindset or the same position as the person may be that you're listening to. So yeah, this is so real because this just happened to us yesterday. But, but yeah. So that's why you should question everything and makes sure that your circumstances and what you are setting out to do, you know, take whatever you hear with a grain of salt. Yeah.
Conclusion
But for us, we're here because we want to have the conversation and we realized so many people go without having that conversation. And so join us, join us. You don't have to love everything we say, honestly, we're just speaking our truth and what is real for us. And we hope to open up that dialogue. So if you have a friend, if you have a sister, a brother, a husband, a wife have the conversation. Yeah. Have it with them and, you know, grow your own relationship stronger. Definitely. Yeah. So we are to Tashaunda Dixon and Tenisha Nicole, and we are Black Girl Fly.